Beppe, a week ago you were freed. The last few days have been filled with interviews and travel after six months of solitude.
This last week after my liberation has been a significant experience for me. I have met many people. In an instant I was taken from a life among the poor, isolated, living on the margin of the human story to being thrust into becoming one myself. I have met important figures: the President of the Philippines, political figures, the head of the armed forces and the police; and also church leaders such as the Archbishop of Davao and the Bishop of Pagadian, as well as the Papal Nuncio, my fellow scjs, sisters, priests, etc. Now in Rome a new set of political and church figures. It’s been an intense experience, so different from what went on before it. All this is really a part of the total experience, and I need to accept it, as I came to accept my abduction, so now too I need to accept this experience, and I hope that it won’t be too difficult. I need to find balance
The first days after your abduction how did you react?
I am still going through a phase of reacting to what happened. I don’ think too much about it but it comes back to me from time to time, and more and more as a positive experience, a serene one. The dramatic aspects are not all that important. When I think about it I see faces, and what stands out was their gentility towards me. That’s what I recall and I pray for them, I pray with a sense of gratitude for what has happened to me.
Gratitude for what?
Gratitude that this experience was given to me. I did not look for it, and I would not have had the courage to go through something like this. It was given to me, thrust upon me. I now understand it was a greater wisdom and that it was first of all from God, who led me through this experience with the collaboration of men. Above all it allowed me to experience the precarious level of poverty in which the major part of the people of this area live. And not only them but the majority of the people in the Philippines, and in the whole world live like this. Not knowing what will happen tomorrow, not knowing if they’ll be alive when the sun sets.
This experience of extreme precariousness and poverty, you had not experience it before during your years in the Philippines?
No. I should say that I have seen it in others, but it’s another thing to experience it yourself. When you see it in others you suffer because you feel so impotent, but you still have your life, you control your own destiny. But in these last six months I experienced things impossible for me to imagine, not to to be able to insure my future, not even for tomorrow. Spiritually this is the greatest insight I have gained. I finally understood what it means to abandon oneself, a word, s concept that is the key to our dehonian spirituality. Finally I came to understand what poverty means in the sense that God speaks of it in the beatitudes. I entered a new dimension that I believed signaled the death of the old man and the birth (I hope) of a new spiritual one. The one I have felt for some years already, the one who died outside the wall of Jerusalem. Perhaps because it was protected it always remained an internal experience, impossible for me to understand, but now I have come to understand.
I saw it here in Rome a few years ago, before that in Albania. I saw you question your work, the Church’s and your presence in the Philippines, and after a process of discernment you returned. Then you were kidnaped. I’m sure at some point you must have had second thoughts about all this. I thought too myself that when it would finally end happily Beppe would say that he needed something like this in his life.
It’s true. I must say that at the start of my captivity I felt the human or political experience, or even a religious one, were not the most important but rather that this spiritual experience was coming from God. I’m not sure if I should say this, but I had asked for a sign from the Lord, against the advice if my confessor with whom I shared this desire, because I had arrived a a great moment of inner displeasure of what I was doing and how I was living. So I said to God: Please give me a sign of your will before the tenth anniversary of my working in the Philippines. December 11, 2001, will be my tenth anniversary and if you don’t give me a sign then at the end of my three year assignment I will return to Italy. The Lord gave me a sign, a big, strong sign! This has cleared up many things for me. During my captivity I had a lot to fix within myself, I felt a great inner calm. I wanted to react instinctively on the spur of the moment, but then I had the courage to let go.
At what moment? Just after it began?
When I entered the rectory there were five kidnappers there to immobilize me, at that instant I felt anger, only anger. I had it mind to resist, but I remembered what happened to an Irish missionary priest two months before. He had been killed during the attempted kidnapping, because he had resisted. With that in mind the thought that came to me was: We’ll go with these people. Running from the rectory we had to run in the dark. I lost my sandals as I was being dragged along by these people, my only desire was to pray that no one was killed, that there be no blood spilt.
Finally we arrived at a boat. There as we left I found a great inner calm as I was able to speak with one of the kidnappers who spoke kindly to me. I heard an inner voice say to me: I am sending you like a lamb among the wolves. I discovered a sense of my mission. It was not something that I had looked for, but it was given to me. Then I heard a voice that spoke the words of Jesus: If someone asks you to walk a mile with him, you should go two. With a sense of availability and gratitude to go beyond what I had foreseen. The third thing that I felt within the first ten hours after the kidnapping and the boat trip was a phrase, and this is most important, the phrase that Jesus spoke to Martha just before he called Lazarus from the tomb: Have I not told you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God. This phrase made me think that the plan of God in this situation was to manifest His glory. All that I had to do was to abandon myself in faith, to accept my impotence knowing that He would manifest His power. This thought guided me the whole time and helped me to go beyond feelings of anger, pain and worry about my family. Faith would have to guide and help everyone else as well, above all my family.
Listening to your first comments after your liberation, surely there were many people who were moved, but also, no doubt, some who were irritated, confused in your proclaiming your time of captivity as a time of grace. Help us. How do you distinguish between someone who is not afraid for his life because he does not appreciate or value it, and someone who is not afraid for his life because he is full of love for the gift of life that he is able to entrusts himself into the hands of God?
This question can help to clarify the conflict I had within me during the first hours. I felt a voice inside me telling me: You have to protect your life. It’s your duty to cause problems for your jailers. You must fight against evil. I was able to resist this because I felt it was a temptation. It was not the voice of the Sprit, it was my own conceit. First of all, from my experience as a conscientious objector, I was accustomed to think that the theory of legitimate defense ran counter to the spirit of the Gospels. The idea of legitimate defense in fact forgets about many powerful moments in which the Spirit of God has acted in the history of the Church. If you follow the logic that you have the right to defend yourself, you’re not a lamb sent among the wolves, you’re just another wolf seeking to survive. How can someone defend oneself from what God wants you to do? So I thought that I ought to renounce my right to a legitimate self defense. Enduring abuse I ought to defend myself, but I accept it -- more or less freely -- to abandon myself and not to defend myself. This was the second key to my profound experience. I believe that this guaranteed my serenity as well as my psycho-physical health.
Perhaps I ought to feel bad, be angry and full of bitterness after six months of abuse. Instead I am serene, content at being a survivor with beautiful memories of all that I’ve just been through, because I succeeded to leave it all behind me. After all, it seems to me that the mission of the Church is to renew the sacrifice of the lamb, Christ the innocent one ready to die. This saves all, it saves us, it saves humanity from the logic of the law. Which is at the root of the thinking of the kidnappers, and perhaps of Fundamentalist Islam -- the mentality of the law. If someone is able to grasp this, grace and gratitude emerge -- even in the face of your oppressors. Another saying of Jesus comes to mind. If you pray for those who wish you well, what good is there in that? Pray instead for your persecutors, and you will become like your Father who is in heaven. This is the mission of the Church to be like the Father, to be free, to think only of the good of others. all the rest will be given to you. That was my thinking.
I asked myself: Will not the psychological phenomena known as the Stockholm syndrome affect you? That’s when the victim begins to identify himself with his captors as we see in the book Bettelheim on the survivors of the concentration camps who begin to legitimize the logic of their oppressors. I don’t think that’s so in my case. I had at least one time very opposite feelings. In some situations during this exile I showed attitudes far from abandonment when, because of fatigue or anger, I refused to obey, or wouldn’t move, and I knew that I wasn’t doing myself or anyone else any good. I got angry many times because I was hungry, or tired. They had promised me that they would bring something to eat and, after a week, they brought me three cans of sardines that would have to be enough for I didn't know how many weeks. I said: Stop it, do you want to kill me? They reacted differently to this. One was offended and wanted to beat me up while others defended me, but they were all upset with me, as those I had betrayed them. I came to understand that it does no good to be disloyal to the good in others, even if it’s very limited. If someone does something good, we must support that good, even if it is not sufficient for your well being. It’s important that we support the good that is in him. When I understood that attitude did not come from the Spirit, it refocused my discernment towards trust.
In similar situations victims run the risk of only passively living out their drama, not like active actors. Your parents in one of their letters said that they were convinced that this long imprisonment would serve you because p. Beppe is able to see the good in his kidnappers. Did you succeed? Were you able to practice abandonment in an active way?
Exactly. Within myself I have gone beyond the logic of the law in order to find ways to become actively useful in my relations with these kidnappers. I saw that slowly it created a climate of trust. Because of this some began to share their personal problems with me to the point that I felt they had made me their chaplain. They often spoke to me about their family problems. Almost all were married or were about to be married, many had children. But because of their situation it was rarely possible to visit their families. They had me write six love letters for them. And then there were the political and religious problems. They described their religion to me with great enthusiasm. I became aware that there are points in common at the level of faith, the faith of Abraham, faith towards what cannot be known because it belongs to tomorrow with the only guarantee the promises of God, but it can be believed and for it one can sacrifice all with generosity. This is true for these people who hope for a better tomorrow, believe and accept great sacrifices in order to move towards what they hope is guaranteed by God. Don’t we call this better tomorrow The Reign of God? It manifests itself in divine justice, in peace and unity and eternal live in the breast of Allah.
Would they have killed you for some reason?
I don’t believe so.
Actually more than the fear that they might kill you was worry about the constant military pressure, the police activities, and the difficulties in the negotiations might lead to your death of the death of others.
This was truly a risk. But it didn’t happen, one could almost call it a miracle. The military pressure was obvious, especially in the second half of my captivity. The soldiers came near our camp three times. Especially on January 29th, my mother’s birthday. They came within 30 meters (90 feet) of us. We sensed nothing. We knew from the day before that they were in the area. We were ready very early in the morning with our backpacks on our shoulders, the army gathered in the center of this plane where we were hidden. There was the danger that as the soldiers passed us and crested the mountain the might be able to see us from above. Actually they moved along a stream that ran below and thus were not able to see us. However, they did pass very close to us. On the other side of the stream there was another rebel camp who were protecting us, so the soldiers passed between us and saw nothing and there was no clash with the military.
You speak of rebels, in the press we often read of guerillas, the bishop of Pagadian first called them common criminals. According to you, what were their real aims?
Their avowed aim was the cash, ransom. They wanted to use it to buy weapons for their own defense and to implement their political aims: an independent Mindanao, separate from the government in Manila.
Did you always remain with the same group?
Yes, always the same.
In the media one read almost daily that members of this group or that were arrested, wounded or killed. From this group, to the best of your knowledge, were any ever wounded or killed in clashes with the army?
I never heard that anyone from our group was killed. On the other hand, I must say that many left the group. Only six who were there at the beginning remained to the very end. Some left and came back, others never came back. I have no idea what happened to those who left. Some told me they were going to fight, but today it seems to me they were playing a game with me. They had me believing we were on Basilan Island in the hands of Abu Sayaff which was fighting against the Philippine and American soldiers in the area. So they would tell me they were going to fight against the soldiers. In the entire time I did not hear any explosions, and only one fire fight. From time to time I’d hear a single shot and that was it.
Here in Rome, as elsewhere, we lived through this experience, naturally quite different from yours. There was the first phase that lasted until December, an extremely intensive phase, moments of hope followed by disappointment. Around December first a new phase began, calmer emotionally, but more uncertain as well. And You? For example in that instant at the beginning of December when it looked as if you would be released, and then nothing happened. This was repeated several times. Then we heard nothing more for a long time. Weren’t the early days of December crucial for you as well when, as time went on, you had to adjust your thinking after such a deep disappointment.?
I experienced exactly the same thing. First great hope and then keen disappointment, then in December again high hopes when I had to make a tape and they promised me that: In a few weeks you will be freed. A few days later I heard the voice of my sister on the radio. In her message she asked the kidnappers to show clemency at the end of Ramadan, and to free me to celebrate Christmas with my family. It was pure coincidence that I heard it, and it gave me indescribable joy with the hope that I would really be freed before Christmas and would celebrate it with my fellow scjs and my family. Then again disappointment and sadness. This was all the stronger because at that time I was not physically well. Afterwards the situation stabilized, as I understood that I would have to wait a long time. When they made photographs of me in January I did not have much hope that it would lead to anything. The time after December was thus rather balanced. I no longer had great illusions.
What was Christmas like for you?
Well, Christmas was not a particularly beautiful day. The night was one of the coldest during my entire captivity. We slept in hammocks. I only and the clothing that I was wearing a light T-shirt. By the way, the two words written on it were: Dehonians & Philippines. It seemed to me providential that of all the possible things I could have worn at the time of my kidnapping it would be this one. I also had military fatigues and a pullover. This night was terribly cold. At six o’clock in the morning, two hours after sunrise I could still see my breath. As you can imagine I did not get much sleep. In addition there was nothing to eat. For lunch they had given me a plate of rice with salt as a supplement, in the evening the same thing. Rice and nothing else. At first I tried very hard to concentrate on the meaning of Christmas because it is important way beyond my own situation. Jesus was born for all. I wanted to be happy, and I heard myself thinking: You should be happy, you should be happy. So it went for a few hours, but then I felt so alone and sadness swelled up in me.
Could you speak about what your daily routine was like?
On an ordinary day there was nothing to do. In the morning the others rose very early to pray, I would rise likewise to pray. I could never sleep the whole night through. I would wake up between one and two in the morning. That was too long with nothing to do. I mostly prayed during the night so around daybreak I’d fall asleep again. I’d rise again with the others. The first hours of the day we hardly did anything, it was their experience that these were the most dangerous hours. The military began to move around three or four in the morning and continued until about the middle of the morning. During this time we had to be very quiet ready to flee, one spoke only in a whisper.
After midmorning they gave me the opportunity to wash. They brought a bowl with about three or four liters [about a gallon] of water. This was a special moment for me. Washing was relaxing and it felt good to feel clean again. Washing was not possible everyday. Then they would give me something to eat, this too was a special moment, even though there was little to eat. All ate together, sharing the same thing. If there was anything left over I usually got it. The afternoon was relatively free and relaxed. There would be discussions among the group. Another beautiful moment was about five in the afternoon would it would begin to cool down. The most interesting moment would be when someone would arrive with food and news from the outside.
You were with the same group of people for six months. Did they have a radio, newspapers, did you hear anything about the outside world?
Newspapers never. Only on the day when they took photos of me did they give me a newspaper, which you can see in my picture. I read this paper from cover to cover, including all the advertisements! But they didn’t buy a paper because they did not know English. In addition they were simple people, illiterate or semi-illiterate. So they were not interested in newspapers. For part of the time they had a radio but it could only get two channels and these were not very interesting. The channels often spoke in a language that I did not know. Either they would speak in Tagaloe, which is the national language that I do not know, or in Cebacano, a local language. The radio did play some soap operas in Sebuano, which is the language that I do know, but after the first attempt to listen to it I soon gave up.
So they communicated among themselves in their own language? How were they able to hide from you that they were speaking about you?
They did it very systematically. They never made any effort to teach me their language. They had made me believe that it was the Yakan language, but they also said that from time to time they had used other languages as well.
It was probably better for you too not to know who they were, where they came from, in order not to know the operation in details. You also said that you prayed a lot at night when you could not fall asleep. In such circumstances, how did you pray?
I always used the rosary. I always reflected on the mysteries, listening to what they were saying to me. I was also attaching a particular intention to every mystery. I can also say that I repeated certain intentions every day. From the first to the last day I prayed for my family, for all the people close to me that I knew they were suffering on account of me. I prayed that the Lord may keep them in hope. Also for my SCJ Mission in the Philippines, for the whole Congregation, in a very special way, for vocations, for the Church of Pagadian, especially for the bishop, Bishop Jimenez, who showed the utmost concern, the most balanced person who took action in this situation.
I also always prayed for the kidnappers, so that nothing happens to them and to me; and that they can cultivate a different vision of life. They were entertaining very negative attitudes to the sociopolitical reality of the Philippines. I partly share the same sentiments, not completely. It is, however, certain that, with their behavior, they, in no way contribute to the betterment of the situation. I asked the Lord that they might be illuminated, that they may understand that only the ways of peace are useful. I also prayed the words of Jesus in Gethsemane: If it is possible, let this cup pass me by, not my will, but your will be done. I was certain that that was the time for waiting for the realization of God’s plan, that I had to have faith, hope and abandonment because God was fulfilling his will.
What about the Mass?
I didn’t celebrate mass for six months. For six months I did not even have a Bible at my disposition. I didn’t have a breviary either. I must confess that in the past years I had said to God that I was tired of mass and sacraments, and He took me at my word. He understood the cry that was coming from within and He gave me six free months, six moths of sacramental break, a big Easter Vigil without liturgy. It was a very good experience, because as I said, in that liturgical silence I heard the words of Jesus, which, according to me were from the Holy Spirit. Therefore, it was neither the Bible nor the Liturgy which nourished my spirituality, but the Holy Spirit from God. I was without liturgy, however, not without God, not without the presence of God.
You have survived, for you this event has passed well; but also for you, it would have passed well even if you would have died. What to think about God before all other people in similar situations, which have a bad ending? You are now thanking God for your liberation, but what about the others…?
Maybe what I will say does not respond to your question; nonetheless I will respond. I discussed with those people what human liberty is. My kidnappers ware saying: There is nothing that happens without being willed by God. At the same time they were saying: We do not have to transgress the laws of God. Where is the human liberty? Before I used to see these things differently, but now I think I understand. Human beings are capable of entrusting their liberty, he is truly free, also to the point that he can completely go against the will and the expectations of God. On the other hand, a human being can freely and fully entrust themselves to God. That today I am alive or dead, I don’t think is of much importance. I am certain that whatever happens to me, I have to live it in communion with the Lord. Maybe I would also have lived my death in communion with the Lord. I also know that if I did not die now, one day I will definitely die. Therefore, I have to try to live the remaining time continuing with this profound communion with God. I feel like a person who has been given a second possibility. I repeat that the biggest expression of human liberty is to entrust oneself, your life, to God.
It seems obvious that such an experience is only realized in all its dimensions only as time goes by. Only now, day after day you will come to know the other side of the coin: Many efforts to get you out of that situation safe, many people, known and unknown, who passed minutes and hours praying for you, many people who cried for you, unfulfilled expectations, despair and finally joy. How do you think you will integrate that experience in the depth of this river of love?
That, actually, did come to my mind. To me it seems to be part of this experience of God, of God who loves us infinitely and who gives all freely in the sense that we do not merit anything. To that God are united many people who, through love, freely prayed for me, suffered and made sacrifices for me. I feel in a state, which is, basically the state of all human beings. We depend on others, on their love and the love of God. I am in the state in which I have no doubt that my life depends on God who loves me and on others. Therefore, I have a privilege, maybe also a mission to make all understand that we are interdependent, joined one to another and to God. Our life is a gift, which we see renewed every day in love, one for another. I am in debt; I owe my life to all.
Can you here the truth of the Gospel, in all these diverse initiatives for you, "There is no greater love that to give your life for your brothers and sisters?"
Maybe that was one of the aspects in the plan of God in all this, that many have undergone: the experience of prayer, of sacrifice for a brother who was suffering. They saved me, I can say, but they also saved themselves. They experienced how in forgetting oneself we are able to save each other.
You said you want to return to the Philippines. We know very few religious or priests who, after such an experience, returned to that particular place. They saw too much, they know many people who are involved in the negotiations; they know many places that should remain hidden etc. Are you already thinking of your future?
I still am very enthusiastic for now. I want to go back to Dimataling, at Mindanao. However, it may be prudent to stay away for a while. We will see. In any case I will go back. It also depends on our group and the superiors. I, certainly, would like to return, but in other places, in another area.
I offered to God my availability of helping in the future, if He wants, some of these persons, to normalize their lives, above all some 17, 18 year old youth, who said to me: Father, this life is not good for us, we want to study. Who knows that one day I could be of great help to the very people who kidnapped me, God willing?
I would like to see, above all, the one I call ‘Commander Ustad’ (meaning, a lay person who is committed to the religion), i.e. one of the group commanders who kept me. He is a man who knows his religion very well, who had good feelings towards his religion and towards me. I liked talking to him about his religion. I think that if all the Islam fundamentalists were like him, there would be no need of fearing Islam. He also tried to help me. Naturally, he also followed the group strategy, but he was always honest and saying: I cannot talk about this and that. He always respected me, kept my hops up. He also told me that his faith is Abrahamic faith, therefore, basically similar the Christian faith. I sensed that in him. In him I acknowledged the very same experience of faith.
If you talk about Abrahamic faith, what would be the meeting point between Christian faith and Islam, how would you describe that?
These people accept the whole weight of the commandments of their religion, which are very exigent, simply because they believe and obey God with simple faith. In the Christian point of view, like St. Francis who said: receive the gospel sine glossa without comment. A faith which causes one to say: yes, I don’t understand, but God knows, God knows what is good and what is bad for me. If I make a sacrifice, God will guarantee the fecundity of that sacrifice. That is the structure of their faith. According to me, that experience and practice of faith is valid, also for me. For example, in all these six months I knew that God was preparing something new. Now, after getting out of that situation, I understand that there was sense in expecting these six months so that God could bring all to an end.
I read from your first interviews that you liked very much the contact with nature. Due to that experience of pure nature you remained physically much better than before.
The first consolation for me was God and prayer. The second consolation was the beauty of nature. Something marvelous. The first two months we were near the coast in a forest of mangroves. It was a marine area with lots of fish passing below our feet and many beautiful birds. We lived in the trees like monkeys for two months. We then moved to the interior, we went to the fluvial forest with very big trees and other kinds of animals. We also moved to different places in the same forest. For me it looked just too good. I did not even have fear even when those people were walking on a war footing, because the surroundings were talking of peace, love and the abundance of the gifts of God for us. Many times I shared these sentiments with my kidnappers. I remember, for example one of them, the only old man of the group, perhaps about 60 years of age. In the evenings they had a chance to chat, we used to sit and look at the shades falling, the light of the sunset, the stars coming out, the freshness and the songs of birds. There is a bird, which sings throughout the night. In the morning it seems to be shouting: You have to get up! and in the evening it would come back with the same king of shouting, but this time: Prepare yourselves the day is done! The old man said to me: Father, who is commanding the sun, the moon, who made these beautiful things. Is it not Allah? I said to him: Certainly. He was not saying this with the intention of investigating my feelings. He said it with a contemplative spirit. Beautiful! He really moved me. He had the same feelings as I had.
If he was saying Allah, did he mean “Allah”, not your “God?”
No, I don’t think so. I think that they have a clear perception that our God is the same. We discussed theology many times. It used to happen, above all, with somebody who would come from and external group. Most probably he had studied some Catholic theology and he put it to me as a challenge. For a while I accepted the challenge just for a change and to enjoy myself. He later pulled me to the discussion about the Trinity. However, I did not want to enter into that. Every discussion about God springs from a choice of faith, and if we do not share the same starting point, i.e. Islam or Christianity, we risk a senseless discussion without understanding each other’s experience of God.
So, you were not the only one to discover something of their faith, they too, even if it was not in a reflected manner, discovered something common between your faith and theirs.
Exactly. At least I hope so, I cannot be sure. I hope that at the end we felt a certain kind of fraternity among ourselves, of communion guaranteed by God. For them the Christians are the elder brothers, like us the Hebrews. We precede them; therefore, the Christians do not have that complete revelation which gets its fullness in the Koran, according to them.
The circumstances of your liberation have remained a little dark. For us it was an awaited moment. How did it happen?
Let me tell you that about two weeks before my liberation, that ‘Commander Ustad’ all of a sudden came back after a month’s absence, and he said to me, Father, I did not think I would come back to the group. But I have been again involved in the negotiations. It looks like the government is eventually involved and this time is decisive. You will now have to write a letter and register a cassette with the conditions we will ask you (The March 16th letter). On Wednesday of Holy Week, early in the morning, I was told that I would be freed. Finally liberated! We were expecting somebody from outside to come and fetch me. That was a long waiting. At four O’clock in the afternoon we left. I did not even have a chance to say good-bye to all. At that moment I thought maybe this is road leads towards my liberation. I was with about 10 people. We walked briskly for about three hours. They took everything from me, I did not have to carry anything in my hands so that I could walk freely, while they had their rucksacks and their guns. It was a very tiresome journey. We later arrived at a point where it was not possible to pass. They said to me: There are soldiers here, we cannot pass. We then turn back and walked for about an hour to find a place where we could stay for that night. We slept there and in the morning we returned to the camp. That was on Thursday of the Holy Week, meaning that we failed.
Again, all of a sudden, on Sunday the 7th, I was told that after lunch we would leave. At one O’clock, with the whole group, together with those of the other group, we left and walked till six O’clock, however we changed routs. We stopped at a certain point and we ate what was prepared at lunch. They again took everything I was carrying. At 18:45 I left with a smaller group, plus two guides who came from outside. We were about ten. We walked from 19:00 till 01:00. That was a very difficult and a tiresome walk to the extent that I was angry and thought we would never make it. At one stage one part of the group got lost and we had to wait for them. We thought that the appointment was at 11:00, but at that time we were still far away. Afterwards I thought, maybe the golden rendezvous was farther than they thought. We walked, walked and walked. Then I spoke to those who were commanding the group. Some of the group gave up and stayed behind due to fatigue. They would have to turn back in order to avoid the police. I said to the commander, Look, don’t ever think that I will turn back. I am very tired. I can only move ahead, I have neither the psychological nor physical strength to turn back. I only have the psychological strength to move ahead. So, you either free me this evening or you don’t free me any more. Therefore, I want to move ahead. Otherwise I will no cooperate with you. Therefore, make sure you arrive at the point. No return! Maybe, eventually, that attitude must have weighed a lot. They were keeping contact with someone by means of a satellite telephone. Most probably they were in contact with that ambulance that would come and fetch me. Finally, at about 01:30/45 we arrived near a road. They called the ambulance. They made me change my clothes. They gave me others. They searched me and took away everything I carried along with me. I had, for example, some objects I received as gifts and I wanted to take along with me as a souvenir. All was taken away. They only left the keys of the presbytery, which was the only thing I carried from the beginning to the end: i.e. the key-holder with an image of Jesus and St. Joseph, who were working in the carpentry. At about 02:00 the ambulance arrived. The commander took me by hand. In the ambulance there were about 5 other men who said they were police. Two or three came from Manila. The other two/three were of that zone. Together with the commander we ran along the road. After a certain distance the ambulance stopped. Three people got out. One of the police took me by my hand and rapidly moved towards the ambulance. A minute later we left. We had a four-hour journey. At about 06:00 we arrived at Dipolong City. There I could have breakfast. They introduced me to various personalities of the police force. Thereafter I had a little medical check up, after which we left for Manila in a small airplane. Arriving at the airport in Manila we met some politicians. They said to me: Father, let us go and meet the president. Together with her there will be some journalists. Please, don’t make big speeches, only say thank you for not having been exploited.
The news of your liberation was actually dramatic. It was talking about the battle, the pressure of the military on the group and that the kidnappers left you to escape alone.
In reality it was very calm. It could be that the military put some pressure because there was some fear that the military would arrive. During the last week we withdrew a few times, we often changed places. Then some of the group told me that four of them were arrested and that they were afraid that they would talk. Therefore, it could be that there was this pressure from the military, which facilitated the liberation.
Having overcome a very difficult moment in your life, there are those who succeed in getting the message, i.e. the call of God to suffering, anxiety, insecurity - at times in one phrase. Could you tell us what message you received from God through this event.
To respond to your question I would return to the slogans of our Spirituality. For me the decisive word is Abandonment. I talk about the abandonment in a true sense, profound sense, more effective because it fulfills the expectation of our spirituality. Adveniat Regnum Tuum, so that the Kingdom of God may come. We do not only have to convert from our defects and selfishness, we also have to convert from our virtues. There is a need of a fully matured and adult spirituality that we are totally abandoned in the hands of God in the great mystery of poverty, insufficiency and of acknowledgment that we cannot govern ourselves. This is what I experienced in these months. I have been an active person in my life and I have been a protagonist all of my life. At this moment, having experimented a complete impotence in everything, even of assuring my future, my tomorrow, I feel I have become an instrument I. It is when I am weak that I am strong -- This phrase of St. Paul summarizes the adult Christian experience.
Aren’t you afraid that after such a time it will be difficult to live your discoveries in your everyday religious and fraternal life?
You couldn’t be more correct! That will be a big test, that the ultimate achievement in these months becomes a stable condition in me. We will see. I, however, have faith in that possibility.
I think that I was fortunate to be handed over to a group of fundamentalists. I don’t talk of all the fundamentalists. Had I been in the hands of one of those simple kidnapping gangs, maybe I would have died by now. Instead I fell in the hands of the people who were saying: We know that there is a God above us. We know that we have sinned before the law and the commandments. To explain that to me they said: For us is forbidden to eat pork, however, the day we would be dying of hunger, we would simply eat it, because the first commandment is that of surviving. The second one is to obey the other commandments. Therefore we have kidnapped because we need to survive, to buy arms for our defense and for the realization of our objective, i.e. the liberation of Mindanao from the government of Manila. We know that it is an abuse. But we are trying not to arrive at the other abuses. In that way I believe that had I been in the hands of the people for whom God means nothing in their everyday life, it could have been worse for me.
In his letter to the Dehonian family, about your liberation, Fr. General has identified certain points that reveal the fecundity of the experience of your kidnapping for the whole Dehonian Family. What do you think would be the fruits of this experience beyond you personally?
I, in fact spoke a lot about this time as a time of grace. I think that this kidnapping, which was not only my experience, but of others too, could have some significance in our mission in the Philippines. In the past years we went through a difficult time in our group. Maybe this common experience could be of great help towards our purification and reconciliation. Beyond the joy of liberation, we might have to integrate ourselves to the message of God as a group.
I also think that at the level of the local Church there would be some fecundity from this kidnapping. Men and women of different Christian beliefs met to pray for my liberation. It was for the first time in their lives that they did this. Now they continue to pray for other similar difficult situations.
Moreover, what happened has perhaps helped clarify to our young candidates to religious life that this choice is not a search for personal well being, for tranquillity and security; rather it carries a risk of following the destiny of a poor and crucified ‘Master.’ It is very important for me and for all to see this event with the eyes of faith, i.e. not only as an overcome drama, but as a time of grace whose way each individual and each group is invited to discover.
(Interview by Fr. Stefan Tertünte, scj)